Letting go to pick up more

Since birth, the person that spent the most time with us is ourselves. And thus we are often than not falls into prey of ourselves. Since we seem to grow up with this self, we trust it the most. We think we know ourselves the most and knows what we need. But I doubt so . . .

For me, when things goes wrong, I blame myself most often. I also tend to sway into the scene when the regrets happens, not letting myself go. Thoughts just keep going in circle.

I suppose the most cruel thing you can do to yourself is to not to let go what that has passed. Words said and things done just keep repeating. The stronger the hurt the harder to let go. Even when the scene disappear from rivers of time, the negative feelings just keep trying to come back.

I used to say... the heart is just like a glass filled full with water. The water has to be pour away to accept new water. Just like memories. Although everyone has a fair share of troubles and woes, I choose to accept and keep the happy moments for as long as possible making sure it makes a mark in my mind. The principle is to keep my mind with positivity as often as possible. No two thoughts can arise at the same time. Be the master of our mind and choose happiness instead.

I have always think of how long more can I live. Even if says I can live till 80. I have spent more than a quarter already. Its not worrying about uncertainty that might happen but embracing uncertainty and live life to the fullest.

If life is like a book, what should I write most. I suppose I will write most are time spent with my love ones. The times we shared together be it laughter or tears. Things that I would definitely omit is regrets, stress, worries and blames.

Of course we tend to conceal ourselves. And we are just too used till it looks real. We can conceal it in our smiles, our work and our activities. But the more we lie to ourselves, this self just remains and does not grow. We our own life's conqueror and thus face the days with valor and integrity.

Be in control then to be controlled!

There's a saying ... to be able to feel pain means I am still alive. I suppose to feel sad and lost at times should be normal as well. Facing more inevitable ups and downs in daily life not just increase more problem handling ways but most importantly the journey of discovering myself.

I believe through negative feelings like troubling mind and mood roller-coaster rides, I understand myself more. Especially thru the down parts, I know what I am looking for. But re-discovering myself is just the first step. Its just like doing a spring cleaning for my heart. After removing some shelves, I found more junks. And upon discovering them, seek to remove them.

Most often then not, I or we often unknowingly let our feelings over amplified or letting others hold our feelings on ransom. Our sources of energy and happiness suddenly depends on another person. But being a mere puppet does not suit me. Its just like calibrating a weighing scale. It is always important to keep our heart and mind in check and once these dependency happens, I will try to lessen or at least prevent from sinking more into.

It is not to devoid oneself from having feelings. It is to keep a sober mind to understand ourselves better and from there doing things that are genuinely what I wish to or how I truly feels. Our feelings sometime do play pranks with us.......and thus that makes understanding ourselves even more.

True love

Some view pts to share with respect to the "Buddhist perspective of true love" talk which find rather interesting and some which is inline with my thoughts . . .

Fundamental doctrine of Buddhism is on the fact of impermanence. 万法缘起性空. Nothing in these world is everlasting and nothing in this world is enduring. All subject to change. But having said that, life is full of chances and variables. Mundane love is impermanence but single hood is also impermanence. Without proper cultivations, both will not free us from suffering.

Romance as brought out by the speaker causes attachments which leads to sufferings. Its the ultimate truth. But just like a butcher knife could be used to kill and also used to feed. Using romance, we can develop personal love into universal love. From a conditioned love into an unconditioned love.

Not many are born from great vows and thus we need to cultivate ourselves from our selfish personal romance to great universal love. Personal romance is a good training ground for future's compassion for all beings.

To me as well as from the speaker's sharing, there is no such things as "love at first sight". I personally feels there is only possible to have interest in first sight, and its definitely not a strong interest. Its impossible to like something without knowing something. For example, my inclination is into people having high energy level. But that is only the root to advance the interest. After knowing and working with that someone, positive traits like strong willed and character are something that will advance the interest. But still, its just interest. . .

Something that are advocated by the speaker which I agreed with four limbs are be attracted to people because of their morale values and cultivations. I personally find that beauty does not last. The only thing that is lasting is personal virtues and cultivations. Be each others source of inspirations and motivations to push on in personal growth. That support for each other I believe might even endure past this life into next. After all, two are linked by their karmic affinity.

Something I observe recently. Lovers tend to be motivated by lust and momentary desires which I feel will lead to more pain and sorrows. After all pain arises from love when one fails to get what they want. Its just a show of immaturity and lack of self restraint.

"Love are what that binds us from this cyclic Samsara and I believe love will also free us from Samsara."

True Love = 慈(Loving Kindness, Metta) + 悲(Compassion, Karuna) + 喜( Appreciative Joy, Mudita) + 舍(Equanimity, Upekka)

Info downloading . . .

Hectic yet very enriching past week. Feel more like a portable hard disk with unlimited memory space....or just trying to me. Information overloading now!!

Earlier this week, my colleague just throw me an advance excel guide and tell me to digest and work out a form for her data consolidation. In the past i rarely use excel and now I nearly need to use macro and C++ for my work....and expect to pick up in just few hrs!! I even hanged my com while playing and exploring excel!

Then comes Thursday! Even more info overwhelming. Attended a talk at Awareness place organised by Kmspks Temple's youth ministry to talk on a topic " Buddhism perspective of true love." I am still waiting for the notes and once its here I'll share on my other blog! Its a very interesting insight in looking at LOVE using buddhism (mainly the Pali Canon) and exploring what loves entails in other culture as well. The speaker is good.

Today attended a talk on Diamond Sutra by ven. Xing Ding ex abbot of FGS, at Jing Ming Buddhist centre. I will be going or hope to attend all 3 talks and will share in my other blog too!
Today's lesson I would say is basic but core teachings of Buddhism namely 4 noble truth, Cause, condition and effect, as well as the 12 dependent origination.

Journey back home, I was listening to the mp3 of Virocana chant and was imagining from what I heard just now how could I relate or use during next times sharing with a non-buddhist. The talk indeed helped alot......delivered in simple words and analogy yet very rounded (Yuan Man).

元宵节

Nice nice round round moon!! haha Pls ignore the laundry. Jus focus on the moon. hahaha!!

Moon has always carried lotsa meaning since history. This includes festive, love, virility, vitality, life, mystery and . . . .

But I choose to focus on the more romantic stuff!! To me its something special. Jus stare at the moon and think of that special one... for you are sure that the moon will shine its ray on her. Its the closes distance you can be with that special one.

And you can be sure under such beautiful night, she might well be observing the lovely moon on her side!

"To have someone on your side enjoying the moonlight is a blessing."

"To have someone to think of when you enjoy the moonlight is also great!"

Delighted like before.

Went to Ajahn Brahm video screening. Feels at peace... a peace that could easily be achieved and has achieved yet carelessly lost due to daily busy life. Looking back at what has happen from the past yr 2008, I gained some yet lost some too. But I would say I am disoriented.

Disoriented yet not dissapointed and would definitely not regret for after I lost myself, I had just found myself. Tonight was a real delight. Although I am sure I saw the video once . . . Not very fanciful and do not need to be scholarly, basic is all what I need. After all, I need to pick myself up and basics serve me well. For a long time, I tried to stuff myself but instead didnot gain much.

I believe in coming times. I will be more focus.